"Start slow and start small. Stick to it and stay consistent." That's the motto with which I live these days.
It is painful, it is ugly, and it is hard to overcome. I'm talking about guilt. You overthink but it doesn't fade away. It takes a big chunk of your thinking capacity away from you but the reality is what's done is done. Guilt is a very impulsive reaction to the action that you regret doing, but it doesn't solve anything. You cannot do anything about it. Now, you might think that you won't do it in the future, but well, you don't even have power over the future. The only thing that you can control is present. But what are you doing right now? Feeling guilty about past actions and how you won't do it in the future, as if that is going to change anything.
Instead of thinking about the past and replaying the scenario, go ahead and think what you can do right now, of what change you can make in your behavior or lifestyle, which led you to do that action, so, that you don't end up doing the similar action. It could be as small as promising yourself to leave the room, the moment you think the conversation is going to heat up with another person if the source of your guilty action is anger. You're not having an angry conversation right now, because you're reading this blog post. Haha! So, you don't even have to do anything groundbreaking right now. Just make promises to yourself, negotiate with yourself.
when you are reluctant to get up, have this thought ready to mind: 'I am getting up for a man's work. Do I still then resent it, if I am going out to do what i was born for, the purpose for which I was brought into this world? Or was I created to wrap myself in blankets and keep warm?' 'But this is more pleasant'. Were you then born for pleasure - all for feeling, not action? Can you not see plants, birds, ants, spiders, bees all doing their own work, each helping in their own way to order the world? And then you do not want to do the work of a human being - you do not hurry to the demands of your own nature - Marcus Aurelius
Negotiate with yourself.
Starting to negotiate your actions with yourself is the most powerful change that you can bring in your life. You don't have to hear the nagging from your parents, significant other, siblings, or friends. You want to stop feeling guilty about getting fatter day by day because of all the unhealthy amount of meals that you've been eating for years, well, negotiate a caloric deficit diet with yourself. You've all the apps which can tell you what amount of calories your food contains, and they'll tell you what amount is required to maintain your size. So, just reduce by 10%, 20%, 5% of that amount. You decide! You take the reigns of your life.
Did you hurt somebody? Try to apologize. They might not forgive you but you consuming all your time to think about how you could've done things differently and the whole would be different. Well, no the world won't be any different, it's just that your mindset is not in the right state.
Your future is absolutely dependent on your present. Your past is gone, be indifferent about it. But then again, even after negotiating yourself, you need to understand that world will have increased entropy more you live. So, no matter how much you try to protect everything you build whether it is wealth, relationships, home, or whatever, some things are highly influenced by external factors the only thing that you've control over is your actions in the past with the intention to build everything with the strength to take any external blow.
That's it for this blog post and if you feel that you've something to add to this or you have a different perspective then share it and discuss it on r/StoicHuman or go to the Reddit discussion post for this blog post linked down below.
Stay healthy, Stay safe!
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